How Dumb Were You?
by duj
Summary: WARNING, SPOILERS FOR HBP. Was Dumbledore dumb? Harry hasty? Hermione hokey? WonWon wanton? And what did Fred and George have to do with it? More: Sluggish Slughorn, halfhearted halfblood prince, delinquent Draco, repetitive Riddle, go getter Ginny
1. Dumb

HOW DUMB WERE YOU?

**This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein.**

**A/N This poem began as a review response to HiddenFlame42's "Dumbledore, Dumbledore" but I decided it made more sense to post it separately.**

Dumbledore, Dumbledore, how dumb were you?  
Could Snape regret James's death? Could you think that true?  
Could that be your reason to trust him so greatly,  
Or did you know all that he'd been up to lately?

'Twas strange that he made that Unbreakable Vow;  
Was he bluffing the sisters, pretending to know?  
Was it just an excuse to ask Draco's intention  
Without getting loyalty called into question?

Did he know then, or later discover the victim?  
Was that why you argued? Was it hard to convince him  
That he'd have to kill you - appear double-faced,  
Rather than jeopardise where he was placed -

And save Harry too? But by now that's a habit;  
Whenever a chance to do that came he'd grab it,  
And ne-er did he miss an occasion to teach him,  
Though all Harry noticed was malice and screeching.

With time running out, you had so much to do,  
You destroyed the ring Horcrux, employed Slughorn too,  
Went memory-hunting, made quite a collection,  
Took Harry with you for some Pensieve-inspection,

Told him about Horcruxes, parts of a soul -  
Six separated, plus Tom, makes one whole -  
Made him promise to follow your orders then took him  
To that fateful cave, where doubt and pain shook him.

Swimming to shore and crossing the lake,  
Though Inferi-infested, was easy to take,  
But the toughest of trials was the poison-filled cup,  
When you forced him to force you to drink it all up.

Draco was smarter than we'd ever seen him  
His plan so well-hid even Snape couldn't beat him,  
Until, at the last, his weakness undid him,  
'Tis harder to kill face-to-face with one's victim.

Then with Death Eaters watching, in swept your man Snape,  
All scowl and revulsion and billowing cape,  
What were you pleading, had you mercy forbade him,  
And so, with no choice, did he do as you bade him?

Dumbledore, Dumbledore,were you so dumb  
Or else so clear-headed you knew what must come?  
You named your successor and died for him too;  
Will Harry be ever as clever as you?


	2. Hasty

HARRY

**This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein. SPOILERS**

**A/N Thanks to my reviewers and special acknowledgements to Cecelle, Bellegeste, Verity Brown, Under the Bridge and unlikely2 for their HBP thoughts and/or fics.**

Harry, oh Harry, how hasty were you,  
Shooting off hexes that you never knew,  
When did your ethics lose out to expedience  
And did you learn nothing from Ginny's experience?

Don't trust a book when you don't know who's written it  
What's his agenda and what did he put in it,  
Don't try out hexes unless you know what they're for -  
Or you have back-up who'll wipe the blood off the floor.

Snape was so nasty 'twas easy to hate him  
Blame him for everything, in lessons bait him,  
Yet he was the adult who never had lied to you  
Surely such honesty showed what he'd tried to do.

Twenty years spying had taught him obedience:  
Orders are orders, no matter how tedious  
Horrid or painful, they must be obeyed.  
What did you know of the choices he'd made?

Albus lay dying, he knew death was near,  
Long as you stayed alive he had no fear,  
He knew he'd done all he could to prepare you,  
He was the sacrifice fated to spare you

So to his trusted spy gave the command,  
' "Severus ... Please ..." I must die at your hand,  
Draco remain unstained, Harry alive;  
Kill me now, kill me quick, let them survive.'

Did you learn nothing from your expedition  
When Albus put you in the very same position?  
Didn't he force you his orders to follow?  
Didn't you force him his poison to swallow?

Were you the killer and Snapey the saviour?  
Doing his duty to end it and save you  
From death and from knowledge they both knew would break you?  
When you called _him_ "Coward", how tempting to wake you!

Harry, oh Harry, how hasty were you,  
Judging and hating one you never knew?  
Sometimes emotions must lose to obedience,  
To win this war you must learn from experience.


	3. Hokey

HOW HOKEY WERE YOU?

**A/N This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein.**

**A/N: Spoilers. Thanks to all my reviewers. **

Hermione Granger, how hokey were you?  
Telling off Harry for what you did too,  
Didn't you think it a mite hypocritical  
After your actions to be so darn critical;

Hexing McLaggen to give Ron the spot,  
What right did you have? Not one little jot!  
Even a boy who is boastful and mean  
Should get a fair chance to try out for the team.

To Confund was to cheat him, you didn't much care,  
Cos Ron was so cute and "cute" always trumps "fair",  
But when you thought Harry poured "luck" in Ron's drink  
Didn't you suddenly kick up a stink?

For five years of Potions you helped Neville brew,  
Told what to add, how to stir, what next to do,  
But when Harry found "Prince" a much cleverer friend,  
"This cheating," you told him, "must come to an end!"

But cheating is cheating, no matter who does it,  
Through hexing or potions or advice or whatsit,  
Or doing the research for other kids' homework,  
Correcting the answers and letting your friends shirk.

Last year you cared about house elves enslaved  
This year, oh dear! Just see how you behaved;  
Dating a boy just to make "Won-Won" jealous  
Just 'cos his kisses with Lav were too zealous.

Love may be burning and love may be blind,  
Mess up your motives and muck up your mind,  
But it doesn't justify hexing and cheating  
Nor should your ethics be quite that quick-fleeting.

Hermione Granger, how hokey were you,  
Telling off people for things you did too?  
Next time you're feeling self-righteous and smug  
Wipe clean a mirror and stare at your mug.


	4. Wanton

HOW WANTON WERE YOU?

**This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein.**

**A/N Spoilers. Thanks to all my reviewers. **

Won-Won, Oh Won-Won, how wanton were you  
Wasting your chances and your kisses too?  
It took Krum to show you Hermione's gender  
And then you got jealous in case they'd been tender.

She kissed him in fourth year! Or did she? Who knows?  
Cos you've never seen past the end of your nose;  
She'd rather have kissed you but you were too dim  
To notice she cared more for you than for him.

And finally you got up courage to tell her –  
Discretion was always the best part of valour –  
But envy and anger both went to your head  
So you started snogging with Lav dear instead

When it was Hermione who'd captured your heart -  
Oh, that was so sensible, that was so smart!  
What else could a girl in love do that might reach you?  
Of course she determined a lesson to teach you.

The past is the past, it was you that she wanted  
And you that she'd chosen but by foolish fears haunted  
You chose to make kissing Lav quite a theatrical  
Show, did you have to be melodramatical

And spiteful too? With reluctant feet dragging  
Hermione chose a new date from McLaggen  
Or Smith. It was better than going alone  
To be laughed at for having no guest of her own.

So she hid her shame and she hid her grief  
She hid her sorrow and hid her belief  
In you, the person most able to hurt her,  
One of two that she'd trusted to never desert her.

That chocolaty love-potion proved quite a wake-up -  
It got you and Hermione to kiss and make-up -  
Then what did you care for your kissy-face partner?  
Falling for you proved to be a disaster.

You didn't even have Gryffindor bravery  
Enough to tell Lavender Brown of your knavery.  
When she found that you'd used her and dumped her and run,  
Did her heart break in pieces from that bit of fun?

Weasleys have little but warm hearts and cheer,  
You've been ashamed of that always, your fear  
Of losing out, coming last, was an obsession.  
You forgot love is greater than worldly possessions.

Won-Won, oh Won-Won, how wanton were you,  
To spite your own face would you chop your nose too?  
Do you want to be Malfoy with nothing but riches  
Or shrink back to size to fit into your britches?

_Wanton: 1) without motive provocation or justification, 2) maliciously and unnecessarily cruel, 3) sexually unrestrained or immodest_

**A/N Fred and George are next and last unless I get any other ideas. Feel free to suggest people.**


	5. What?

WHAT DID YOU DO?

**This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein.**

**A/N: Spoilers. Thanks to all my reviewers. **

Fred and George, Fred and George, what did you do?  
Look what you started with that Montague  
If you hadn't pushed him in a Vanishing Cabinet  
Draco would not have known who else could fit in it.

Then to compound your responsibility,  
(A strange concept, true, but you'll just have to bear with me)  
You sold him the powder his allies could hide inside  
A cloud of pure darkness gave the bad guys an easy ride.

"Rules are for breaking," your motto and creed,  
"Goods are for selling," a shopkeeper's need,  
Every invention has so many uses,  
Did you let the Ministry check for abuses:

What tests did you run to check safety or danger?  
How could you tell which was good or bad stranger?  
Yet when you've paid first years to try out your edible  
Pranks, then misuse becomes almost inevitable.

Now that your headmaster is lying dead  
Your practical jokes used to murder instead,  
What other calamities need your averting?  
What other "Wheezes" can be used for hurting?

Fred and George, Fred and George, what did you do?  
From such small pranks can disaster ensue;  
Next time you make something cruel "cos it's funny",  
Check the buyer's intent _before _taking his money.


	6. Sluggish

HOW SLUGGISH WERE YOU?

**This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein.**

**A/N: Spoilers. Thanks to all my reviewers. **

Slughorn, oh Slughorn, how sluggish were you?  
Slow to act, slow to think, slow to help too,  
So busy choosing the future successes  
'Cos helping with their careers clears up your messes

And reaps you rewards for the rest of their lives,  
See how you smile when each present arrives.  
You pick them on family, promise or merit,  
What they can do or what they might inherit,

But noticing ethics or responsibility  
Seems to be somehow beyond your ability;  
Who needs good character when you are winning?  
Who needs the truth when a tale you are spinning?

Secrets are lethal in inverse proportion  
To how many know them, and so your contortions  
To hide what you told, that just you and Tom know,  
Are foolish and selfish and promise of woe.

If you alone Voldemort's secret can tell,  
His success and his safety require your death knell,  
And you'll die with the knowledge that you helped him win.  
You can never escape from the weight of that sin.

Though his vengeance is swift and his reach may be long  
There's more chance to escape if you're part of a throng  
And if Dumbledore knows, he can better defeat him.  
Then if you die still, at least you helped to beat him.

It was lucky that Harry had Lily's green eyes  
And that Aragog's venom you didn't despise,  
It was lucky you'd brewed him luck potion, day one,  
Lucky him, lucky you, lucky for everyone.

Slughorn, oh Slughorn, how sluggish were you?  
A slow-moving, sleazy and slimy slug too;  
Selfish and self-absorbed and self-indulgent  
The effect of your teaching was far from effulgent.

_Effulgent: giving or radiating light_

**A/N Next the Half-blood Prince, then probably Draco.**


	7. Halfhearted

HOW HALF-HEARTED WERE YOU?

**This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein.**

**A/N: Spoilers. Thanks to all my reviewers. **

Half-blood prince, Snape, how half-hearted were you?  
One foot in each camp, how did you stay true?  
Never quite trusted by any companion,  
Order or Death Eater; layered like an onion,

Skin upon skin upon skin to the core -  
Whom do you serve? What are you fighting for?  
Where would you stop and how far would you go?  
Which is the truth and do you even know?

Harry, you hate but are always there saving,  
Voldemort, serve 'cos he's good at enslaving,  
Dumbledore, follow in quest for redemption -  
Hasn't your weary work earned you exemption?

Gryffindors, loathe them with passionate payback;  
Point-scoring, point-taking, making them stay back  
To scrub all the cauldrons or disembowel toads,  
Clean hospital bedpans of odorous loads;

You can't forget what in youth had been done,  
Sins of the fathers rebound on the son,  
(Who learns from your book what he couldn't from you  
Because hate mirrors hate.) Must you hate his friends too?

Weasley, you target by association  
Longbottom, frighten into palpitations,  
Know-it-all, sneer at for her erudition  
Yet Draco, extol like a man on a mission -

But missions, like rabbits, for you multiply  
And tasks tumble round you to do on the sly,  
You know by experience what's worse than death  
And you'll keep on fighting until your last breath.

There are vows to be kept, work to be done,  
Teaching and reaching out to Malfoy's son,  
Prying and spying, empty minds filling,  
Wheeling and dealing, healing or killing,

The life that you saved is the life you must take,  
With face made of stone and chest full of ache;  
It's goodbye to good name and home and career,  
The mentor you loved and all hope and cheer.

Half-blood prince, Snape, were you half-hearted then  
Or simply much better than most other men  
At hiding your purpose with poisonous face,  
So no one would notice your heart's in its place?


	8. Delinquent

HOW DELINQUENT WERE YOU?

**This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein.**

**A/N: Spoilers. Thanks to all my reviewers and special acknowledgement to Cecelle for her suggestions.**

Draco Malfoy, how delinquent were you  
Ever since you got that Dark Mark tattoo  
And promised to do just what Voldemort asked?  
With killing Dumbledore you were then tasked,

A job that was too scary even for him!  
Your prospects of saving your parents looked grim  
Of course, motivation, you never had more  
So you showed more talent than ever before.

If you the Vanishing Cabinet could mend  
In Hogwarts, its double at the other end  
In Borgin and Burke's, would let Death Eaters through  
And you could kill Albus and get away too.

You knew that this plan was really a beauty  
So why waste your time to do Prefect's duty?  
Instead you preferred to just sit there and boast  
To the Slytherin chums that you trusted the most.

Then you caught Harry spying and his nose you broke,  
And you left him Petrified under that Cloak.  
It served him right for being so nosy.  
Except for Slughorn the outlook was rosy

But into his Club he wouldn't invite you -  
Just Potter, Blaise, Mudblood and redhead to spite you –  
When Luck was the prize it got even stranger;  
For somehow Potter brewed better than Granger!

Your Polyjuice stealing was quite inspirational.  
Crabbe and Goyle turned into rather sensational  
Look-out girls, which made them share inyour gloom  
As you laboured in vain in your hiding-Room.

In hopes of stealing Snape's favoured position  
You'd knocked back his offers to help in your mission,  
And ever your chances looked bleaker and bleaker.  
You didn't have time left to be Quidditch Seeker –

Not that it mattered who won any more  
When it was your life you were now fighting for;  
Patience with others is never a trait  
Of Dark Lords, they're madder the longer they wait.

So you needed to stage a diversion or two  
You Imperioed Rosmerta to make her help you,  
And your wrapped and cursed necklace soon got Katie Bell  
Then your poisoned oak-mead got Ron Weasley as well.

(Two Gryffindor players too sick for the team,  
That would have been any Slytherin's dream.  
I bet your House thought it was quite a shame  
That you hadn't done it before _their_ game.)

Alas! Time and skill were just not on your side,  
With Moaning Myrtle, despairing, you cried,  
And you hexed too slowly to beat the intruder,  
His cutting curse was both quicker and ruder.

Success came at last after all of that waiting  
But Albus forgave you – he's not one for hating –  
Too late you learned that you didn't like killing  
You had time and chance but you just were not willing.

Your wand hand was raised but the words wouldn't come,  
Was it conscience or cowardice making you dumb?  
You just couldn't kill him so Snape had to do it.  
How will the Dark Lord take news that you blew it?

Draco Malfoy, how delinquent were you,  
Your service defaulting, your House-duties too,  
You made a bad enemy but a worse friend,  
Disloyal to even yourself in the end.

_Delinquent: 1) guilty of a minor misdeed, 2) failing in what duty requires, 3) persistently bad, 4) a young offender_

**A/N This is the last poem about a main character but I'll do some collections of minor characters before I stop.**


	9. Repetitive

HOW REPETITIVE WERE YOU?

**This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein.**

**A/N: Spoilers. Thanks to all my reviewers. I changed my mind; Voldemort demanded his own poem.**

Riddle, young Riddle, how repetitive were you,  
Rehearsing since birth how to be You-Know-Who?  
Owning and hurting was what you found thrilling,  
Hardly surprising that soon you were killing.

Orphaned, abandoned, your parents unknown,  
You early decided your powers to hone  
On mastery, vengeance and terror-creation;  
So many ways to achieve domination.

Next there was Hogwarts for magical study,  
Dark Arts and dark plans and murder mudbloody,  
You tracked down your family, smugly destroyed them;  
Magic and murder, how well you enjoyed them.

Trophies you kept with a double-edged goal,  
Each sweet reminder a piece of your soul  
Split and kept safely, six pieces plus you,  
Ring, snake, cup, locket and diary too.

(There was another but we don't know what,  
Nor Dumbledore either. It's strange he forgot  
That Gryffindor left the school more than his sword;  
The Sorting Hat's presence should not be ignored.

Was that why you came back to ask for employment?  
A teacher's life wouldn't bring you much enjoyment  
But Chamber and basilisk would have been handy  
And stealing more relics much sweeter than candy.)

Horcruxes helped with your plans for dominion,  
You couldn't be killed but you still needed minions,  
A bloodthirsty gang with a blood-chilling name,  
You called them Death Eaters to add to your fame.

Spider-webs weaving a world-web for trapping;  
Spider-limbs greedy and grasping and grabbing;  
Spider-heart glutted on life never-ending  
Life's lessons wasted on longer-extending.

Babes are born fisted, to have and to hold,  
But dead hands lie open; they've no need for gold.  
Power and treasure are fleeting and past  
Love is the measure that only will last.

This is the power of which you know nought.  
It can't be stolen or bartered or bought,  
Treasure much greater than any you've stored;  
Lost in your haste to become the Dark Lord.

You dreamed of a world where all answered your will  
Yet inside was a hole that you just couldn't fill;  
The more that you owned, the more that you lusted,  
The more that you ruled, the less that you trusted,

The more people feared you, the more you feared them,  
And so from yourself did your foretold doom stem.  
For the curse that you used on the Prophecy child  
Just rebounded on you, and your own soul exiled.

After many attempts you've returned just the same,  
With no change in your tactics, your thoughts or your aim,  
You're still after Harry, you still think you're clever,  
You still are the blindest and stupidest ever.

Lord Voldemort, oh how vicious are you  
Vengeful and cruel and predictable too?  
Dust you came from and to dust will you go  
And to nothing return with still nothing to show.


	10. go getter

GO-GETTER

**This is a non-profit tribute to the works of JK Rowling who, together with her publishers and licensees, owns the characters and situations elaborated herein.**

**A/N: Spoilers. Thanks to all my reviewers.**

Ginevra, oh what a go-getter were you,  
With your serial boyfriends you seemed to go through,  
With your Quidditch brooms pinched from the family shed  
And your Bat-Bogey hexes that turned Slughorn's head.

You'd fallen for Harry before you first met him.  
Then he'd saved you in first year, how could you forget him?  
Through all of the years and the boyfriends you'd dated,  
You'd waited for Harry – and waited - and waited

With hope in your heart but with time and chance fleeting,  
For heroes have villains who need their defeating,  
So you understood – and the thought made you grumpy -  
That serial dumper would soon become dumpee.

Was it jealousy prompting your jeering at Fleur?  
If you'd been a veela and lovely as her  
He'd have noticed you sooner as more than Ron's sister  
And kissed you as sweetly as brother Bill kissed her.

But kisses are kisses, so if not from Harry  
You'd take them from boys you did not want to marry,  
You'd seize the short day and make hay while sun shone.  
As Hermione told you, life had to go on

And flirting was better than sitting alone  
To wait for a day when he'd see on his own.  
(You knew when she spoke that she had Ron in mind  
For both of those boneheads were equally blind.)

Then Ron began meddling, he told George and Fred;  
Praise Merlin that he didn't tell mum instead!  
All brothers think sisters should do as they say,  
A sister with boyfriends fills them with dismay.

When he started again you just blew up at him,  
What right had a person so dense and so dim,  
Who had no conception of what he was missing,  
To say whom you could or could not end up kissing?

Dean didn't last; he was way too protective  
Helped you through doors as if you were defective,  
Couldn't he see you were brave, strong and tough?  
The night Harry got lucky you'd just had enough.

The baby of seven, you'd learned very young  
To stand up for yourself and to have a sharp tongue  
And you'd learned from the twins how to make your own luck  
And that risks are a way out when otherwise stuck.

You knew what you wanted, you found how to get it,  
For nothing could hinder you unless you let it,  
You taught Zacharias to watch what he said  
Or you'd bring the roof down on top of his head.

You got mad when Hermione told Harry off,  
When she tried to cite Quidditch you just had to scoff,  
And with you as the seeker the team didn't miss  
But the best part of winning was Harry's great kiss.

'Tis better to love and to lose than to never  
Have loved, you'd have waited forever and ever  
For Harry to see you and know you and want you,  
So knowing he'd leave had no power to daunt you.

You always knew that your time would be short  
You knew that he'd still choose to face Voldemort  
And he'd want you behind him and not by his side  
And his troubles and secrets he wouldn't confide.

Ginevra, oh what a go-getter were you  
But a hero must do what a hero must do  
So he's off with his friends and he's left you behind  
Will you ever be foremost of what's on his mind?


End file.
